I welcome advice on how to manage these conversations more effectively

Evan: "What does retartive mean?

Eric: "Evan, where did you hear that word?"

Evan: "What word?"

Eric: "Retarded."

Evan: "It's retartive. Zach was singing a song at school. And then he said he was just being retartive."

Eric: "It's retarded, and it's kind of a mean word. People use it to mean that something or someone isn't very smart. If someone's using it to describe himself, he's just joking and that's not as bad. But you shouldn't really ever use it because it's a mean word that could hurt someone's feelings."

Evan: "Oh."

Eric: "And I'm telling you what the word is and what it means because I don't want you to hurt anyone's feelings. It's good to know what words mean, so that you know which ones to use and which ones not to use."

Evan: "Yeah. Which is why Elias needs to know what the a-word is. Which is why I told him."

You must be careful not to laugh...

when informing your 6-year-old son that the "ON STRIKE" sign he's spent half an hour making actually says "NO STRIKE."

Halloween II

For a moment I thought the Village People had reunited...

When Sage swiped Evan's water pistol...

Evan: "Sage! Sage Elizabeth McHenry, come back here! Do you want a time-out? Daddy, do I have enough power to give Sage a time-out?"

getting dressed

Sage has 1,374 socks. And no two are alike.

Evan, buttoning up his shirt, just said: "I'm going to look so sharp, everybody's going to be flabbergasted."

the cradle will rock

Evan: "Daddy, are you going to sing me a lullaby tonight or not? It's your choice."

Eric: "Do you want me to sing you one?"

Evan: "Sure."

Eric: "Okay. Let's see..... (singing) Mommy was a pretty little girl....."

Evan: "No, not that one."

Eric: "Well, what lullaby would you like to hear?"

Evan: "How about something with beatboxing?"

Daddy once again blames the victim

Tonight Evan grudgingly brushed his teeth, then reached for the glass of water I'd set out for him on the sink and knocked it to the floor. This made him laugh.

Eric (annoyed): "Can you say, 'I'm sorry'?"

Evan: "Why? It's your fault."

Eric: "What? You knocked the water over and I'm about to clean it up! How is that my fault?"

Evan: "You put it in a precarious place."