I really do transcribe them as faithfully as I can

Evan: "When the sun supernovas, where will your ghost go?"

William: "What does 'the sun supernovas' mean?"

Evan: "Oh, the sun's gonna blow up."

Eric: "Well, in millions and millions of years."

Evan: "Yeah, but our ghosts will still be around. Where will they go?"

William: "Mine will stay on the Earth. Because even if the sun's gone, you can live without light."

Evan: "Yeah, but you need the sun for Vitamin D."

William: "You can drink milk."

strategy

Evan: "Can I just have jelly on my rice cake?"

Eric: "Sure."

Evan: "Because I don't like milk, and milk's the antidote to peanut butter."

four lies Sage told today

"I'm gonna get dressed all by myself."

"I'm gonna call Lily."

"I'm gonna help you [move a dresser upstairs]."

"I'm building an obstacle course for Franklin."

jam on it

Evan: "Who wants a piece of jam toast?"

Eric: "I think Mommy and I are both saving room for dinner."

Evan: "But how can you resist my jam toast? I put extra-special love in it."

FYI, XOXO

This morning at about 5 a.m., Evan came into our room and said, "I'm having trouble sleeping. And, FYI, I love you guys a lot."

big guy

pushover

Sage (crying): "Evan pushed me over!"

Eric: "Evan pushed you over? That's not nice at all! Evan, you tell Sage you're sorry!"

Evan: "Well she asked for it!"

Eric: "Nobody asks to be pushed over, Evan. Tell her you're sorry!"

Sonja: "No, Evan's right. She literally asked him to do it. I think she wanted to come crying to you."

Mad-Libs with Evan

Eric: "Okay, I need a body part."

Evan: "Penis!"

Eric: "Evan!"

Evan: "Butt cheek."

Eric: "Evan, I'm not going to write down anything vulgar. Give me a body part, please. There's plenty to choose from."

Evan: "Snotty nose."

Eric: "Okay, I'm writing down 'nose.' Now, I need a verb ending in -ing."

Evan: "Thing."

ain't behavin'

Eric: "What did you do at recess?"

Evan: "Started a new club."

Eric: "What's it called?"

Evan: "The Club of Mischief."

Eric: "Uh-oh. Who's in it?"

Evan: "Me and William started it, but there's going to be lots of people in it. We might even have some classes."

she wants to do it herself

A few nights ago I was trying to get Sage out of the bathtub. After offering her the choice of climbing out herself or being lifted out by me and getting no reply, I lifted her out and began to dry her. She got very upset, shouted, "I want to get out by myself!", climbed back into the tub, then climbed out again.

Yesterday she objected to me turning on "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse" for her, not because it wasn't the show she wanted to watch but because "I want to choose it!" It was an "On Demand" program, so I paused it and asked her what she'd like to watch. She said "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse." I unpaused the program.

I just overheard her sneeze twice, then say "bless you."

the poor rich

Evan: "Do you remember Julie from my school?"

Sonja: "Sure."

Evan: "She told William she was a billionaire."

Sonja: "Hmm."

Evan: "I wonder what her house is like. She must have so much stuff she has to put it on the roof."

Sonja: "Maybe."

Evan: "Her wallet must have so much money in it that it makes her pants fall down."

knowing my place

Sonja: "I need to get to the gym tonight."

Eric: "I was thinking of going for a run, too."

Sonja: "Really?"

Sage: "Daddy! You're not a Mommy."

no justice

Sage coughed through the night, ran a fever and threw up twice. As a result, she's home from school today. Evan can't believe how lucky she is.

a muse

Two more poems:


“A cough,” I explained with a hack,
“is a lot like an old hacky sack.
People pass it around.”
Sage grumbled and frowned.
It was her cough. She wanted it back.

***

Sage pretty much knows
where everything goes.
She’s got enough info to go on:
dresses in dressers,
books in the bookcase,
toys in the toilet, and so on.

But I wanted to be the Intelligent Whales

Evan has just announced the team names for our upcoming Monopoly game: "You guys will be the Blasting Hot Milk Cups and we'll be the Successful Snakes."