who you gonna call?

Sage (running from the kitchen into the dining room): "I'm scared."

Eric: "What are you scared of?"

Sage: "Ghosts. In the kitchen."

Sonja: "Don't worry. Evan will protect you."

Evan (from the kitchen): "No I won't."

Sonja: "Yes you will, big brother. That's your job."

Evan: "What am I getting paid again?"

Eric: "Free food. Free housing. Free education. Free health benefits. Free clothes. Free toys."

Evan: "Okay, thanks."

outtakes from the santa man-to-man

Eric: "Evan, do you remember when I explained to you about the Tooth Fairy?"

Evan: "I know where this is heading."

***

Eric: "Had you already figured that out?"

Evan: "I was suspicious. I was thinking of setting up a surveillance camera."

the cornucopia

Eric: "Did you have a nice Thanksgiving?"

Sage: "Yes."

Eric: "What was your favorite thing that you ate?"

Sage: "Pie, potatoes, and gum."

thanksgiving hospitality

And should you manage to gain entry...

worthless pants

Sage just came clumping into my office and said, "Daddy, my pants won't get on!" I turned around and saw that she had put her shoes on first.

at the toy store

Sonja: "Sage, what do you want for Christmas?"

Sage: "All the girl stuff."



And in case you were wondering, yes, the haircut is self-inflicted.

Evan's thoughts on education

Evan: "What's the hardest part of teaching?"

Eric: "It depends. Often it's the grading. But the teaching itself takes a lot of energy. It's kind of like putting on a show."

Evan: "Right. And sometimes you have to repeat the show, because your students weren't paying attention. They were obsessively texting their girlfriends."

***

Evan: "Daddy, do you think this is going to be the greatest battleship ever?"

Eric: "Evan, I'm just trying to finish grading one paper, and I need to be left alone."

Evan: "Well I'm just trying to build a battleship that will forever change you guys' lives."