Thursday, December 18, 2008

eat your trees

I've been working on some funny poems for and about the kids. The blog has been a great source of material. Enjoy!

"Don't bite your knee," I said to Sage.
"You're almost two. Please act your age."
"I won't be two for two more months,"
she said, "and I'll be one just once.
If I don't bite this knee right now,
when will I?" Then she bit it. "Ow!
My knee!" she said, and rubbed her knee.
I shook my head. "Don't look at me."


"Evan, don't fill up on bread.
Eat your broccoli," I said.
He pointed to the florets. "These
aren't broccoli," he said. "They're trees.
And they provide a shady spot
for this hot dog, who's very hot."
"I see," I said. "In that case, please
eat your dog and then your trees."


"Evan, what's the magic word?"
I asked. I guess he hadn't heard
that it was "Please," because he said
"Alakazam-kazoo" instead,
which I suspect — I can't be certain —
is why I'm now a shower curtain.


"You think I'm going to stop at knees?
I can bite anything I please."
"All right," I told Sage. "Bite your nose."
"All right," she said. "I will. Here goes."


"Eat your trees," I said to Evan.
"There's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven
trees on your plate, and you should eat 'em.
This table's not an arboretum."
Then Evan pointed to the eight
uneaten trees on my own plate.
"Daddy, eat your broccoli,
and don't eat it so talk-ily."


Sage-y had a little lamb.
She named it "Alligator."
That made Aunt Lucy laugh and laugh.
Then Alligator ate her.


"Rats!" said Sage, whose magic marker
refused to color any darker.
"Uh-oh. I think I hear them comin',"
I said. "Be careful what you summon.
Rats are responsive. If you call
too loudly you might get them all.
Are you prepared to deal with that?"
She scratched her head. "I guess not. Rat."


"The n is missing from the end
of my first name! I've been de-n'd!"
said Eva. "And don't call me that!
Eva's a girl's name," he spat.
"Calm down. You'll get it back again.
Nobody steals the letter n,"
I said. He stomped off in a rage.
"What's he so mad about?" said Snage.


I thought for sure I'd found a winner
in my long search for Sage's dinner.
The perfect combination: knees
and elbows, and some cheddar cheese.
And best of all, her biting it
wouldn't hurt anyone one bit.
But Sage said she preferred her own knee
to my elbow macaro-knee.


Grandma Sue said...

Wonderful! I do and will always love Winnie the Pooh, but for the moment let me say:
Eat your heart out, A.A. Milne!

Jehanne Dubrow said...

Having only just discovered your blog, I'm now trying to catch up on all things Sage and Evan. These poems are great. I love them! Can we say "next prize-winning poetry collection?"

Leslie said...

I agree with Jehanne, Eric!! I love these. Maybe you should get Brad's brother to do illustrations and put together a kids book with these. I would love it!

I thought my nephew was the funniest kid on earth until I started reading your blog.

Thrift Store Mama said...

Pretty darn clever.

Elaine said...

I love these, Eric. I'm looking forward to the collected works!

Elaine (and Thrift Store Mama is a friend of mine)

Eric said...

Thanks, everybody!