my horoscope

Sage: "Tomorrow you're going to get pelted with eggs."

Eric: "Oh no."

Sage: "The only problem is, that's true."

dress for success

Evan: "Would you ever go on a ghost hunt by yourself, at night, in a big old haunted building, with all the lights out and only a camera with night vision, and you were locked in?"

Sage: "Yes, if I was covered in bubble wrap."

heck of a job

Evan: "I think Waverly Hills is way scarier than Bobby Mackey's Music World. If I had to do a ghost investigation at one of them, I'd go to Bobby Mackey's in a heartbeat, even though it's the portal to heck."

for everyone who's tired of posts about how precocious my kids are

Evan: "How do you spell 'collegiate'?"

Eric: "Evan, that's the name of your school. And it's on the shirt you're wearing right now."

Evan: "I can't read my shirt. It's upside down."

twenty questions

Sage: "Is it bigger than a car?"

Eric: "No."

Sage: "Is it bigger than Roosevelt?"

Eric: "I guess it's about the same size as Roosevelt."

Sage: Is it in people's yards?"

Eric: "Sometimes."

Sage: "Can you eat it?"

Eric: "Yes."

Sage: "Do I like to eat it?"

Eric: "Yes."

Sage: "Is it a really huge tomato?"

Eric: "No."

Evan: "Sage, it's right under your nose."

Sage: "Is it a booger?"

the things she does for us

"I have made FOUR pitchers of lemonade for this family, and I am NOT MAKING A FIFTH." —Sage, who has clearly been waiting her whole life to say something like that

clowning us

A bunch of grownups were talking, without really knowing what we were talking about, about the discovery of the Higgs Boson and its implications for the universe. Evan happened by and asked, "What's the Big Bozo?"

it's 9 a.m. somewhere

Sage (with a pancake in her hand): "Can you put a little bit of butter on this?"

Eric: "Is that a pancake from breakfast? You're going to eat that? At 9 o'clock at night?"

Sage: "Well I'm not going to pick up a pancake, put butter on it, and then freeze it. Or will I?"