all that glitters

Poor Evan. Last night he fell asleep with a glittery Christmas-tree star in his bed, and this morning he had flecks of gold glitter on his face—just a few, but enough that some of his playmates noticed. At recess one of them called him a girl, "which kind of hurt my feelings," Evan said. But he seems to have it in perspective. "I know that people who make fun of other people are wrong," he said. "And I know I'm not a girl, because I've seen my penis."

could you be more specific, please?

Evan: "It smells like dead daddy longlegses in here."

The Spectacled Owl

Having seen one yesterday at the Woodland Park Zoo, I'd have to say that Sage's name for it, the "Mad Owl," is more apt.

bedside manner

Eric: "Good night, Evan."

Evan: "I guess you're not going to sing a lullaby tonight."

Eric: "Oh, I'll sing you a lullaby. Or you can just snuggle in and go to sleep. Whichever you like."

Evan: "I'll just snuggle in and go to sleep."

Eric: "Okay."

Evan: "Unless that would hurt your feelings."

lost classic

Just remembering the first time Evan threw up. He was, maybe, three and a half, and he came into the living room looking very confused and said, "Umm... I had a bad burp that made my room kind of messy."

descent of man

Sage: "Granddad not your GG."

Eric: "That's right. Granddad is my daddy."

Sage: "And GG my daddy!"

Eric: "No. GG is your great-granddad. Your great-grandfather. I'm your daddy."

Sage: "No. GG not my grandfather."

Eric: "No, he's not. He's your great-grandfather. Granddad is your grandfather."

Sage: "And GG his grandfather."

Eric: "No. GG is his father.

Evan: "Can we discuss this later?"

priorities

recent photo roundup

Buddies:

Sage and Daddy, photographed by Evan:

Evan, photographed by Sage:

Evan, waiting for the ice cream truck:

imitation/flattery

Evan: "Where are the Pacellis?"

Eric: "They still live in New Hampshire."

Evan: "What would they say if they saw me now?"

Eric: "They'd say, 'Oh my gosh! Evan! I can't believe how big you are! The last time I saw you, you were just a baby! You're so big! And so handsome! Look how handsome you are!' That's how the Pacellis are. Very warm, very kind people."

Evan: "What would their kids say if they saw me now?"

Eric: "They'd probably say the same thing."

(pause)

Evan: "Act out what their kids would say."

leaving the Chinese restaurant...

Sage: "Bye Buddha."

rest

Evan is really into wearing the black three-piece suit we bought him for this summer's weddings. Tonight, as bedtime approached, I came into the living room and found him lying on the floor in his suit with a quarter over one of his eyes. Needless to say, I found this a rather unsettling sight, and told Evan so, and then I had to explain why:

Evan: "Why did they put coins over their eyes?"

Eric: "I think it was to weigh down their eyelids. Dead people's eyes tend to slide open, I think. So they'd weigh them down with coins."

Evan: "Where did they get the coins?"

Eric: "They just had them around."

Evan: "Why didn't they want their eyes to slide open?"

Eric: "Because that would look sort of strange and creepy."

Evan: "Why does it matter how dead people look? They're underground."

Eric: "They did it when the person had just passed away and hadn't been buried yet."

Evan: "Why do dead people's eyes tend to slide open?"

Eric: "I don't know."

Evan: "Why does it look sort of strange and creepy?"

Eric: "It looks like the person is still alive."

Evan: "But that's a good thing."

The whole conversation had me feeling somewhat self-conscious about my parenting skills. But then I remembered Miriam, the extremely down-to-earth child psychologist and parent of two from down the street, who once said that if you're ever stuck at home with the kids and desperately in need of some rest, you should "play funeral."

I see

Eric: "You're the sweetest guy."

Evan: "I know."

Eric: "Did you just say, 'I know'?"

Evan: "Yeah. Because you always say that."

if I seem scattered, it's because my day consists of conversations like this

From today's walk around the block:

Eric: "Seems like there's always one or two crows patrolling our neighborhood."

Evan: "Yeah. They're like the police. Maybe they are the police. Like, they're undercover, and they turn into policemen when we're not around."

Eric: "Hmm. Maybe so."

Sage: "Daddy, could you be a cabbage?"

not even remotely

Eric: "Go into the bathroom and brush your teeth, Evan. I even put the Finding Nemo grape toothpaste on your toothbrush."

Evan: "Is that the best thing that's ever happened?"

Eric: "Yes."

Evan: "No it's not. The best thing would be a remote-control army jeep with remote-control guys and remote-control guns, and also a remote-control helicopter with remote-control guns that can really shoot."

sniffle

Evan: "Daddy, when can I start calling you Dad?"

Eric: "You know what, Evan? This is your first day of first grade. You're such a big guy now. And I can't think of a more appropriate day for you to start calling me Dad. So if you want, you can start calling me Dad today."

(pause)

Evan: "Maybe I'll call you Daddy for a few more days."

the first day of first grade

Brother, it ain't easy.

those missing weapons stockpiles

Evan's favorite jacket is a black one with lots of pockets. The other night I asked him to give it to me so I could wash it. He said, "But it's got a thousand things in it." I thought he was exaggerating.

well, it is

Sage, looking at a photo of herself: "Oh, that's so cute!"

no gender stereotypes will be shattered in this post

Evan: "Did you like the movie?"

Eric: "Yes."

Evan: "Could I see it?"

Sonja: "You probably wouldn't like it. It was a lot of kissing and a lot of talking."

Evan: "So it was kind of foofy and woman-like? Like, 'Oh, I love you so much!'" (smothers his sister with kisses)

Eric: "Yeah, kind of like that."

Evan: "I like movies with a lot of action. Like, 'Oh yeah? Wanna bet?' Pow!" (punches the air)

Evan 2.0

Tonight, as we were cleaning up the house:

Evan (holding up a life-size paper likeness of himself that he made at school): "I need to get rid of myself."

Eric: "Can you put yourself in the recycling, please?"

Evan: "Definitely not." (goes and puts the paper Evan in my closet) "Now you'll meet me whenever you go get a shirt."