striking resemblance

Bridget (walking her fingers up Uncle Eric's head): "Hickory dickory dock. The mouse ran up the clock."

Eric: "Hey. I'm not a clock."

Bridget: "Yes you are."

Eric: "Well, I guess I do have a face, like a clock does. And I have hands, like a clock."

Sage: "And you're boring."

focused

Sonja (watching a video with Evan): "Wow."

Evan: "Yeah. That guy has a cool camera."

Sonja: "Evan, I was saying 'Wow' about the baby gorilla who's grooming a human."

Evan: "Oh. Yeah, that's cool too."

Evan calls them like he sees them

"I've seen some people at the Y who should definitely be there."

"I can sniff technology from a mile away."

Evan has been watching "America's Funniest Home Videos"

Daddy vs. Food

giving it a chance

Evan, reading in bed: "Okay, the New Yorker has officially been deemed boring for kids."

Sage said it

Eric: "What lullaby do you want?"

Sage: "I want 'Hula-Boy Swinging on the Garden Gate.'"

Eric: "You mean 'Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard'?"

Sage: "Yeah."


***


Sage: "How much did I weigh when I was born?"

Eric: "Nine pounds, seven ounces. A family record."

Sage: "Yeah, first you were the biggest baby, but then I came along and crushed you down to the ground."

candyland

In his culture, it is customary for the winner of the third-grade geography bee to celebrate with a traditional meal of brownie-batter fro-yo topped with mini chocolate chip cookies, crumbled Oreos, kiwi fruit, peanut butter cups and gummy worms.

highlight reel

Sage scores, then intercepts a pass, then Avery scores. This was by far the best 54 seconds of the game.

now that you mention it

Evan: "This door knob looks like some kind of big-nosed weirdo."

change starts at the top

"Can we get some milk?"

plum job

Evan: "When I grow up, I want to be a candy critic."

three lies Sage told today

"I think she has school today." (This was in reference to a friend Sage didn't want to have a play-date with. Today is Sunday.)

"Can I borrow a pair of your undies? We're doing a project at school with our daddies' underwear."

"No fair."

we continue to be a simple family, really

pickle relish

Evan didn't think the cats' eating area looked sufficiently festive.

wish you were here

Le Gun

Found on the playroom floor. I'm so glad Evan has Legos as an alternative to the disturbingly realistic war toys that other parents let their children play with.

RID (Riddles in Development)

Evan: "Here's a riddle. There are two cars: One is red. One is black. And one is green."

Eric: "You said there were two cars."

Evan: "It's a RIDDLE!"

***

Evan: "Okay, a bush has five leaves on it. Autumn comes. Three of those leaves fall off. Why are there three left?"

Eric: "I don't know."

Evan: "It grew a new one!"

Eric: "But you said it was fall."

Evan: "Forget the fall part."

Eric: "It's a promising riddle if you forget the fall part. I've got a great idea. This will make it both a riddle and a joke. Say, 'A bush has five leaves on it. Three fall off. Why are there still three leaves on the bush?' Then the person you've said the riddle to will think about it for a long time, and finally he or she will say, 'I don't know. Why?' And you can say, 'Because in the time you spent thinking about it, the bush grew another leaf!'"

Evan: "The problem with that riddle is that the kids at my school don't really appreciate that type of humor."

on the way to school: the big questions

Evan: "What are you going to put in your will?"

Eric: "That's not the most fun thing to talk about."

Evan: "Mine is going to say that I should be buried like an Egyptian king."

***

Evan: "What would you do if you saw a cat with an iPod?"

***

Evan: "Do you have a flamethrower?"

[Silence.]

Evan: "Do... you... have... a flamethrower?"

Eric: "Are you seriously asking me that?"

Evan: "If you were smart, you'd ask me what I was planning to do with it."

i wish these protesters would clean up after themselves

bittersweet symphonette

Halloween highlights

Eric: "I like the part where Charlie Brown shows up dressed as a ghost, but with about 14 eyeholes cut in different parts of his sheet, and he says, 'I had a little trouble with the scissors.'"

Evan: "He's the holey ghost."


***


Eric: "I can't believe it's already been a week since Halloween."

Evan: "And we still have our decorations out in the yard."

Eric: "That's okay."

Evan: "Yeah, it's always good to have a big fake rib cage sticking out of the ground."

slow down, you move too fast

On the same day that she made her first basket, Sage taught herself to ride a two-wheeler. I'm proud as a peacock, of course, but also ready for a milestone-free Sunday.

Sage scores her first basket!

Filmed by Evan (from a nearby grassy knoll):

all the world's a stage

I just pulled into the driveway and saw Sage dancing on the front porch. I asked her what she was up to, and she said, "Trying to get rich."

this is why you can't borrow my iPhone, Evan

the lachrymose leech

If you let your son read a dozen Series of Unfortunate Events books in the weeks immediately before Halloween, expect to start finding these sorts of things around your house.

he wins

Evan's soccer team, the Purple People Eaters, just completed a storybook turnaround, winning 6 of their last 7 games and beating the best teams in their league lopsidedly. (One team hadn't lost a game in two full seasons; the Eaters beat them last Saturday, 4-2, and again yesterday, 5-2.) Evan isn't an especially strong or aggressive athlete, but he uses his head and often seems to be in the right place at the right time; he scored the winning goal in one recent game and the goal that put another game out of reach, had a goal and a picture-perfect assist against the previously undefeated team, etc. During his games I seem unable to keep myself from yelling hysterically from the sidelines -- mostly positive stuff, I hope -- and afterwards I always want to relive the action with him, reviewing his goals frame by frame. He humors me. He can see how into it I am, so he participates in the conversations in much the same way that I participate when he's talking about Legos. But he'd clearly rather be talking about Legos. And I love that. I love the ability of 9-year-old boys to resist all of our efforts to make them something other than 9-year-old boys.

scary spice

Things that my kids have complained were "too spicy" in the past 12 hours: mayonnaise, a sip of Diet Mountain Dew, toothpaste.

preemptive tattling

Today Sage shouted up the stairs that Evan was getting ready to call her a name.

Carefree Highway

Last night when we were driving home, Evan was fiddling around with my iPhone in the back seat, and he asked me to turn on some music. I wasn't sure what he was up to until I saw these videos. Actually, I'm still not sure what he was up to, but I think it's kind of austerely beautiful.

"Check it out. I'm the Statue of Liberty."

"This is the Weird Show"

runaway winner

Evan: "What's the funniest thing that ever happened to you, or that happened while you were around?"

Eric (trying to get dressed for work): "Gosh, Evan. I don't know."

Evan: "You don't have a whole lot of humor in your life."

Eric: "No, I have a lot of humor in my life. A ton of funny things have happened when I was around. It's just hard to come up with the funniest one on the spur of the moment. What's the funniest thing that ever happened while you were around?"

Evan: "When Sage put your underwear on her head and ran around with no pants on and peed on the floor."

be aggressive

i celebrate myself

Here's a fun story about the children's book (and the blog) from Bostonia magazine.

Because this blog is your one-stop source for articles about this blog.

prediction

Evan: "What are you going to be for Halloween?"

Eric: "I still need to give that some thought."

Sage: "I'm going to be a princess."

Evan: "Don't be a princess! Be something original!"

Sage: "I want to be a princess!"

Evan: "There'll be a million princesses on Halloween, but there'll only be one zombie assassin."

field of dreams

Sage, for one, will be ready for tomorrow's soccer game. She insisted on going to bed in her uniform, including the shin-guards.

supersized

This morning we saw a huge crane outside of a McDonald's. Evan speculated that one of the customers had gotten so fat that he had no other way of leaving.

visualizing victory

This weekend Evan's soccer team had a tournament in Lawrence, where they played various hand-picked teams with pretentious-sounding names. I'm not sure how Kaw Valley Force Internacional felt about having to face a team called the Purple People Eaters. Anyway, here are the Eaters during the tense, tense moments just before their game against KVSA Club Select:

how does she do it?

it may be time to reconsider the name of this newspaper

karma talk

Today, on the ride home, Evan announced the advent of "Karma Comics," which he's collaborating on with some school friends. So far they've come up with five characters: "Pizza Man, Crazy Guy, Robber, Evil Wizard, and Guy with a Big Stupid Hat." It sounds as though these characters all do bad things to one another, but then suffer for it. Thus, Karma Comics.

Also on the ride home, he came up with a great idea for a new reality-TV show: "Awesome Security Systems." I told him it sounds perfect except for the acronym.

back in black

Sage has decided she's going to be either a fairy or a ninja for Halloween. "And the Halloween piano recital is coming up," she says. "And if I'm a fairy, I'm going to play a princess song for the recital. And if I'm a ninja, I don't know what I'm going to play."

you're walkin' on the fightin' side of Evan

A student handed in a personal essay titled "Legos: the Root of All Evil." I showed it to Sonja, who said, "Don't tell Evan," but Evan overheard that and so we had to tell him. Afterwards he became kind of obsessed with it. Why in the world would someone write that about Legos? What a moron. I was going to give him an F, wasn't I?

Eric: "Evan, I haven't even read the essay yet. I can promise you that it's not really about how awful Legos are?"

Evan: "How do you know?"

Eric: "I just know. The assignment was to write about a time when you did something you knew was wrong. This student probably stole a friend's Legos, or a friend stole his, or something like that."

Evan: "Legos: the Schmoot of All Schmeevil. What a jerk. You need to give him an F."

Eric: "I think I just need to read the essay..."

Evan: "So you can give him an F."

okay then

I just came into the TV room and found Sonja and Sage watching a Bollywood movie. The central characters, a young king and queen, were talking in a bedroom. Sonja said that Sage was really into the movie, despite the fact that it wasn't in English. I asked if all the content was going to be, ahem, appropriate. Sonja said, "Oh yeah. It's an Indian movie. They don't even kiss." Then Sage said, "Yeah, a couple of people died in a war, but otherwise it's appropriate."

Casper

Evan: "Daddy, after you've died, if it turns out that ghosts are real, will you haunt me nicely?"

future shock

Evan: "What if things actually were all black and white in the '30s, and people just didn't realize it because they were used to it? And there was old-fashioned music playing all the time. I hope they invent time travel, so that I can go back to the '30s and scare people: 'I'm from the FYOOOO-TUUURRRE.'"

Eric: "Except we don't talk like that."

Evan: "I know, but I'd want to play a joke on them -- make them think I was some kind of robot-android."

"Look Daddy. It's 'American Gothic'."

a couple of Nicholas Garland's woodcuts from the book

Sage really likes the woodcut Sage because it looks like her, and Evan really likes the woodcut Evan because it looks the way he wishes he looked. Long dark hair!


"No school today," I whispered. "Snow."
Evan sat up and stretched. "I know."
"You know?" I said, crestfallen. "How?"
"You told me so," he said. "Just now."



"Rats!" said Sage, whose magic marker
refused to color any darker.
"Uh oh. I think I hear them comin',"
I said. "Be careful what you summon.
Rats are responsive. If you call
too loudly you might get them all.
Are you prepared to deal with that?
She scratched her head. "I guess not. Rat."

Want to lose 9 pounds today?

Buy my book of Evan and Sage poems through its British publisher! Only £8.99! (American credit cards are also accepted.)

but does she get revenge?

Evan's storylines may be derivative, but his handwriting is all his own.

knowing his limits

Evan: "I think I have too many talents. Can I quit piano?"

attitude is everything

Sage: "I'm going to have a staring contest with the coffee maker. Ready, steady, go." [stares at coffee maker]

Eric: "How will you know when you win? The coffee maker blinks?"

Sage: "I win when I say I win." [stares some more] "I win."

Eric: "Good job."

Sage: "In your face, coffee maker."

return policy

Evan: "I love you, Daddy. I wouldn't trade you for a kajabuggabillion dollars."

Eric: "Aw, thanks, Evan. I love you too."

Evan: "I'd trade you for infinity dollars, but then I'd buy you back right away. And keep the rest of the money."

we're still a simple family, really

BBD

Evan: "We're playing a game called 'Biff the Bad Driver.' We basically just take that yellow car and roll it down the hill."

how not to get cotton candy

Evan: "Can we get some cotton candy?"

Eric: "No, I don't think we need any cotton candy."

Evan: "Well I don't think we need any poetry books."

please take me along when you slide on down

Perry and Evan at Blaisdell Pool. Later, Evan and his friends played some sort of imaginative game in which they were sailors on a ship in "platypus-infested waters." Evan started describing the game to me as we waited at the top of this slide and continued telling the story as we slid down together. That's my boy.

I'm also going to post this photo I took of Ethan, just because I'm proud of it:

no pain no gain

We've told Sage she can't get her ears pierced until she's older. This morning she disclosed her plan to get around that, which is to get stung by a bee on both earlobes.

we're a simple family, really

art criticism

Evan (seeing "American Gothic" on the wall of a restaurant): "There are those two weirdos on their lawn."

little help?

the full arsenal

Sage: "The only thing I want for lunch is Bobo's."

Eric: "No, honey. We're not getting Bobo's for lunch."

Sage: "Can we pweeeease go to Bobo's?"

Eric: "Sage, please don't use your baby voice?"

Sage: "Look at my cute face."

trading cards

Ethan!


Addison!


Evan!


Sage!

First, you own the Legos...

Then the Legos own you.

from the "how does he know that?" file

Evan (listening to a Mumford & Sons song): "This sounds kind of Celtic."

measuring success

Evan: "Ethan and I both got pretty good Lego hauls for our birthdays. I think his was taller but mine was wider."

furred nerd

Evan: "If you ever go to a nerd's house, his cat probably has glasses."

Lego cake!

Happy 9th Birthday, Evan Michael!

sigh

I have never seen a five-year-old as aware of the camera as this one.

killing me softly

Evan: "Daddy, Sage killed a beetle!"

Sage: "No I didn't! I just kind of killed it lightly!"

foolproof

Evan: "If your parents try to force you to clean your room, you can just refuse, and then they'll confiscate all your toys, and then your room will be clean, and then you can say, 'Okay, fine, I'll clean my room,' and then they'll give all your toys back, but they'll put them in the toy boxes, and your room will still be clean."

Ethan said it

The other day I was talking to Evan's friend Ethan while he munched on a couple of cereal bars -- one blueberry, one strawberry (remember that detail) -- in our kitchen:

Eric: "I just can't get over it. If you look at the 1962 Topeka High yearbook you'll see your grandmother and Evan's grandfather. And if you look at the 1990 Topeka High yearbook you'll see your mom and me. And now I look out my window and see you and Evan, born seven days apart, playing together. It's three generations of friends in our families. Really cool, really amazing."

[Pause.]

Ethan: "I think blueberry is my favorite."

answered and asked

Eric: "Oooooh. Did Mommy say you'd get a trip to Toys R Us if you did a good job cleaning up?"

Evan: "You don't think I'm folding laundry for fun, do you?"

I may know too much

This was how I found our dining room yesterday. In unrelated news, there's been a strange van parked across the street for the past week.

playing to his strengths

Evan: "You're really good at throwing and catching, Daddy. And I'm really good at kicking and screaming."

Hobo Dance (Chase Me)

I really don't know what to say about this.

even lullabies are better with bacon

Eric (singing): "In the early morning rain... with a dollar in my hand... with an achin' in my heart..."

Sage (singing): "With some bacon in my heart..."

Eric: "And my pockets full of sand..."

Sage: "And my pockets full of ham..."

you heard it here first

Sage: "My pants whapped the lights out."

afterlife

Eric: "Evan, what did I just say to you?"

Evan (eating Cinnamon Life cereal): "You said that when I'm done with my Life -- which sounded kind of wrong -- I need to put my soccer gear on."

they're coming

Evan's friend Skylar has introduced him to Garage Band. Stay tuned for "Electric Smoothie," the debut single from the local band The British.

Sage chases fireflies (subplot: Roosevelt chases a ghost that's chasing Evan)

recital (pronounced "wreck-it-all" by their instructor)

in the kangaroo's pouch at Gage Park

born on the 4th of July

Sage: "Evan wants to do everything himself."

Evan: "That's because I'm independent."

Sage: "I'm independent!"

Evan: "I'm more independent than you."

Eric: "Hey. Hey. Not everything has to be a competition."

Evan: "Yeah, but this does."

silent film stars

Kids are funny. Kids trying to be funny are not, usually, funny. But kids trying to be funny, recorded without sound? Surprisingly funny.

floored

Evan: "Check out my luxury house. You can rent it for $50 a day. It even has a little disco floor over here."

Eric: "Oh yeah -- kind of a parquet floor."

Evan: "It's more of a par-tay floor."

mar(tin)itime

Evan: "And this is the cop boat. Couple of officers on it."

Eric: "What's that officer holding?"

Evan: "Martini."

Eric: "I'm not sure he should be having a martini while he's on duty."

Evan: "Well he's not driving the boat."

dibs on the book title

Evan: "What if it was the Three Muskrateers? Like, 'We're armed and dangerous, with muskrats!'"

oh dread

We had 10 kids over yesterday, which means we will be finding this sort of thing around the house for the next several days.

this just in

The pool is still cold.

and now for something completely different

"We're weirdos!"

visiting G.G. on Memorial Day

prehistory

Sonja (pointing at a green Honda Civic): "That's the kind of car I used to have."

Evan: "When I was a baby?"

Sonja: "No, before Mommy and Daddy were married."

Evan: "Before you were married? That was before time."

Pickle and Rosevelt My Cats, by Evan McHenry (unedited)

Once I got two cats one was Simon and the other was Collin. We renamed Collin, Pickle and Simon, Rosevelt. Pickle was very dumb. Now I don't mean bad dumb I mean not smart dumb. Now Rosevelt on the other hand is very fat. I mean when he sits down he looks like a roosting hen. I mean I can't tell if he is a walrus or a cat. Rosevelt escapes a lot outside I always catch him and call him a fat mass of fatness. It turns out at the last sentence I stoped typing because computer class ended and now is a new computer class and a lot of time passed between one computer class and the other. And now we let him out and free rome. Pickle is sooooooo cute he has a "flubby tummy" he is adorable. His full name is Collin crashlandon slapity joe pickle mchenry. I know I know it's a long name but it's cute and it fit's him perfectly. Did I mention he is tan and white and sometimes I call him "Rusty" like in the film oceans 11 because Rusty wears a tan coat and white dress shirt. Pickle sometimes drinks from the toilet. Once he was drinking from The toilet and I closed the lid and said, "sorry Pickle your magic portal has been closed off."

agreeing to disagree

Evan: "You say 'edible,' I say 'eatable.' Let's call the whole thing off."

changing one word can change a song's entire meaning

Sage was going around this morning singing the "Lollipop" song, but using the word "habitat" instead: "Habitat, habitat, oh habi-habitat."

coming soon...

intellectual property

Evan: "I speak Gibberish. Do you know the Gibberish word for 'best friend'?"

Eric: "No."

Evan: "It's 'nincompoo.' What does 'nincompoo' mean in English?"

Eric: "It's 'nincompoop,' and it means somebody who's not so smart."

Evan: "That's a hilarious word, 'nincompoop.' Pickle is kind of a nincompoop."

Eric: "Well, 'nincompoop' is kind of a mean word. You'd only use it to describe somebody who's not a very nice person and who's also not very smart. Sometimes Pickle doesn't seem so smart, but he's very sweet."

Evan: "Yeah."

Eric: "And he's smart in some ways. Like he's very good at coming up with new ideas for getting into trouble."

Evan: "Yeah. Like, 'I think I'll patent knocking over this bookcase.'"

Eric: "Right."

Evan: "If Pickle gets a patent on knocking over bookcases and makes two million dollars, will you take that money away from him or let him keep it?"

potluck

A busy day at Evan's Lego diner. That's Poppop in the chef's hat. I'm the one outside, "teaching poetry to Rock Monsters."

microeconomics

Evan: "I'm going to sell my Lego motorcycle to Andrew for $10."

Eric: "No, Evan. No monetary transactions."

Evan: "Why don't you want me entrepreneuing at school?"

sweet dreams

Sage: "There's candy upstairs in my room. Can I have that for dessert?"

Eric: "What kind of candy is it?"

Sage: "That thing that's like, sugar dipped in sugar."

what's in a name?

Evan: "Guess who my two favorite characters are from Lord of the Rings."

Eric: "Frodo and Gandalf."

Evan: "Nope. Aragorn and Legolas. I like Legolas because he's a great archer and he's got 'Lego' in his name. He's perfect!"

(Evan would later admit that it was a shame that the name was pronounced "Lego loss.")

served again

Evan: "What's the Lego set you want more than any other?"

Eric: "Oh Evan, I just can't muster the same enthusiasm for Legos that you have. I don't really want any Lego set."

Evan: "You don't?"

Eric: "Well, I want Lego sets for you -- I mean, I want you to have the sets that you want."

Evan: "Well you can make that a reality."

not my problem

Sonja: "I think you need a warmer outfit today."

Sage: "No, I'm fine."

Sonja: "I'm cold just looking at you."

Sage: "Well then put on something warmer."

what's the word?

Eric: "How does it feel to be five years old?"

Sage: "Ginormous."

served

Sage: "Are we going to buy a new house pretty soon?"

Eric: "Why would we buy a new house?"

Sage: "Well, no offense, but... this house is kind of boring."

Eric: "Really? What's boring about it?"

Sage: "Well... it doesn't have a trampoline."

Eric: "Why would we buy a new house to solve that problem? Wouldn't it make more sense to buy a trampoline?"

Sage: "Well, trampolines are kind of expensive."

Eric: "They're not as expensive as houses."

Sage: "Okay. We'll buy a trampoline tomorrow."

yo no soy

Evan: "If my tongue had eyes, tofu would be invisible."

Sage has plans

Eric: "Well, it's not a very good Dairy Queen day, but if you score a goal I'll get you a special treat of some kind."

Sage: "I think it's a very good Dairy Queen day. The sun is shining, but it's cold, so the ice cream won't melt."

***

Sage: "Oh water bottle, I love you. I'm going to marry you. (Kisses water bottle.) You're a boy, right? (Switches to falsetto.) Yes, I'm a boy. Daddy, don't laugh at me and my new husband."

soccer strategy

Evan: "There's no way we're going to come back and win this game."

Eric: "Evan, don't say that. If you think like that you won't do your best when Coach Todd puts you back in."

Evan: "I'm trying to keep my expectations low, because I'd rather be surprised than disappointed."

this is a future we've all seen before

Evan: "Do you think there'll be flying cars in the year 4000?"

Eric: "Hard to know, Evan."

Evan: "Probably, because I'll invent them."

that's heaven to Evan

Eric: "Did you have fun playing at Ethan's?"

Evan: "Yes. And I want to go play at the Bealls'."

Eric: "You want to go play at the Bealls' right now?"

Evan: "Yes. I want eternal play."

we finally insisted

is that a party on your head?

Grandma Sue let Sage pick out a special headband.

oh roly poly we love you get up

"Check out my roly poly environment. Got a lotta drama queens in here."

down two pegs

Today began with Sage asking me to go away because my breath smelled "like sweaty broccoli." Then I encountered Evan, shirtless, flexing in front of the bathroom mirror and saying, "It must embarrass you that your son has abs and you don't."

one of those days

Sage: "And Tavi and I were going to be in a band, but then Tavi said she quit the band, and that hurt my feelings. And then I thought 'octopus' started with 'e,' and that confused me. Stupid octopus."

family values

Evan: "I think someone in our family should marry someone in Ethan's family. So that we can unite our Legos."

Grumpy Person

another survival tip

Evan: "If you don't want to get eaten, dress like spinach."

huddle

It was about 40 degrees on the soccer field today.

spoils

Evan's team won its soccer scrimmage tonight, and Evan scored a goal. We went to Via's and bought him a Sprite.

i did my part

Sage: "By the way, the TV's on upstairs."

Eric: "Oh, okay. Would you go turn it off, please?"

Sage: "No."

Eric: "Sage!"

Sage: "Well I turned it ON, so you can turn it OFF."

"i'm a froggy!"

of a feather

Apparently Philip Johnny Bob was the only chick that hatched, so Mrs. Mosier bought some additional chicks to keep him company: Chocolate, Cheeseball and Junior Cheddarface. I'm guessing it was close to lunchtime when the class named them. For the record, Evan thinks Cheeseball is a hilarious name for a chick, but doesn't see anything especially funny about Junior Cheddarface.

snooze button

Evan's thoughts on having his Lego, TV and computer privileges revoked for three days: "Life is very, very boring. There's always a dull moment."

good egg

Evan's class is hatching some chicks in an incubator. Unfortunately, the chick that Evan had named, Egger, was D.O.A. But Evan says that one little guy did successfully hatch today, Philip Johnny Bob.

gun control

Evan is doing his best to enjoy an evening without Lego privileges, TV privileges or computer privileges. Today he made a paper machine gun -- in violation of the school's "no representations of guns" policy -- and then lied about it: he told his teacher it was supposed to be a crutch. She didn't buy it, largely because he had already written "MACHINE GUN" on it in black magic marker.

cold case

can you pick Evan's snowman out of a lineup?

long shots

Sage's soccer uniform: green
Sage's suggested team name: "The Breezy Leaves"
Evan's soccer uniform: black
Evan's suggested team name: "The Amish"

calling

Evan: "I could be a lot of things. I might be a priest later in my life, because a lot of priests are bald."

i give you Sage

the chicks love him

a valentine from cousin Bridget

"Roses are red, violets are blue,
Evan I think you are lovely as me!"

gimme five

Evan (defending himself against the accusation that he likes potty humor): "Name me ONE time... Name me FIVE times that I've used potty humor!"

but enough about me

Evan (making an effort to be interested in my trip to D.C.): "So... did you see any interesting Legos there?"

i assumed he knew

Today, apparently, when Evan saw his teacher changing from shoes into boots, he noticed a couple of holes in her socks. And he said, "So that's what teachers' socks look like."

Evan has plans